Less Judgement, More Empathy.

Every person possesses a God-fearing good side and an evil side too. The one we feed, is all that makes a difference.

We judge people on the basis of their religion, sect, appearance whatnot. We even judge people for judging other people forgetting that’s what we are judging them for. Hahaha aren’t we all a bit too messed up? Is this all we’re here for?! Well….. it’s a little complicated.

Firstly, I’m here after a long long time. Didn’t want to write anything at all, because the one I used to write because of, left me and this world a little too early. But today, I need to say what I’ve kept inside for too long. What brought me here is….. A judgement!

Some people often say “only God can judge me” and think they’ve gotten a license to do pretty much everything God himself forbids of. We often come across tweets and posts mentioning ‘how hijab couldn’t save them from being harrassed so that makes it useless’. Um hello? We do NOT cover our bodies, heads or even faces to save our self from men. We do it because Allah ordered. Not men, not you, not I, not the Islamic scholars but Allah. The one who is All-knowing. Judging people on the basis of hijab or beard is as wrong as cursing hijab for not protecting you. Then there are some of us who hate to be reminded. We don’t like hearing why someone asked us to cover our body or pray five times. Also, when it comes to reminding, there are nicer ways to do that. Judging, being harsh, hurting and then reminding is NOT a way. We all want to convey our own message, no one wants to convey Allah’s message and that my friend, is where the problem lies. But there is nothing wrong with sharing and hearing each others views and then acting upon Allah’s orders. After all, it’s all for Him.

I’m not here to judge anyone nor am I anyone to judge anyway. But like I said, we all possess a good side and an evil on too. The good side is obviously God-fearing because after all, that’s where peace comes from. Those two giant monsters inside only depend on what we feed them. If we feed the good one with every thing that’s good and pure, then we will definitely end up doing what’s right. If we feed evil inside, we can not expect anything good to come out of it. It’s that simple. It’s a personal matter. It’s good to express your point of view. It’s good to openly support what is right. But it’s only valid if you practice it yourself first. Don’t go around making people feel like crap just because that particular thing did not work for you. Make others smile. If there’s no way you can do that then please be quiet. Don’t go around saying things without fearing how it would effect the person you’re saying it to. They might not have what you have and they might not be doing what is right in your opinion but they do have a HEART. And the worst you can do to someone is break their heart. I’m not perfect myself and I have done many mistakes my whole life but one of the most important lessons life has taught me in these two decades is; do your best to make someone feel better. If you can’t do that anymore then do yourself a favour and just stand up and leave that place for someone better.

Fear.

 

When you’re striving to be good enough, not because you want to get more but because you want to need less.
That’s when you know you’re scared.
Fear is your motivator.

 

Seven Shades Of Crazy!

 

 

 

 

“All men are same” is a very common phrase used by almost every oppressed, broken and annoyed woman. But not by women who’re super happy and pleased by the way their men treat them. Women who’re treated like a queen have a different dialogue that is “Ye bohat mukhtalif hain sabse” *sharamz* *hides face in dupatta* Etc etc. Two decades in this world and every single women I met thinks all men really are the same. But…I don’t agree!

 

You know there’s always that one friend who never shares much but is always there for you when you have no one else to share your stuff with and things are getting out of control. I’m that one friend, my friends come too. I’ll be there for you even if I know nothing about you but you call me a friend. So being that one friend, I’ve been through many such debates when my friends showered all their love on the wrong person and got their hearts broken in the end. So, at some point I did think, guys suck. But remember one thing; it’s not always his fault. Sometimes it’s your fault too. But what we fail to understand is; Men aren’t all the same. But women are. Every woman wants the same amount of love. care and affection. Her way of struggling for it is different and that’s what makes some of them more likable than the others. Men aren’t bad, they’re just not like women and we women expect them to think, talk and react in every situation just the way we do. But hey, that’s not possible. Here’s the gender difference, child. That you keep ignoring every time he pisses you off! While we’re on it, let me tell you the Seven shades of every woman, which men ignore every time they get committed to one and she says “Mai baki larkiyon jesi nahe hoon” *shies away*. Believe me, we’re all the same when it comes to that one person. Extremely loving and all, but we demand pretty much the same things.

Lemme tell you why;

1- Women want the same things. Not just lots of compliments and a pair of heels but your attention. Don’t tell her she’s all you have, tell her she’s all you have and want and….. BAM! You’ll see a positive change in no time.

2- Women don’t mean what they say. Most of the times. ‘Nothing’, ‘fine’, ‘OK.’, ‘Aw’. Totally different meaning in her dictionary. Believing in what she says when she is too sad or angry, is a mistake. A BIG MISTAKE. She doesn’t mean any of it.

3-We ask tricky questions to make you feel guilty. Yes, we do. There I said it!

4-Women expect, a lot. If she loves all of you, she expects you to love all of her to. No matter who you are. Father, brother, husband or a best friend.

5- Women are not careless. And they will make you pay for it, if you are.

6- A woman can be the strongest if she is alone. If she has no one to lean on. But when she knows she has someone, she’ll get so dependent, you’d forget who she was when she was alone. Either too independent that she forgets about your existence or just the opposite. Nothing in between!

7- She forgives but she never forgets. That is why think twice before making the same mistake again. She’ll remind you of what you did on 3rd April, 2001 and in the end you’ll regret. A woman’s sharp memory is every man’s worst nightmare but we can’t help it!

 

This applies to all women. So to turn a bae into bae-gum or to keep all the beautiful women in your life happy, you gotta deal with it. There’s just no way out. Women might all be the same but the way you treat her can make a huge difference. One must never forget that women are very easy to love! Adios.

 

Unwanted Present.

She came. Like rain, during a hot summer afternoon. It felt like she was everything he ever wished for. Every time she’d be there for him, it felt like someone truly cared. And who doesn’t like that feeling? We all do. She praised in a way which did not do justice to how beautiful his heart and soul was, but he blushed every time. The look on his face made her heart smile in delight, just the way a handwritten note from your soulmate does. It made her realize she’d fit in. By putting a little more effort, she’d make him forget the past that a part of him still cherishes. But little did he know, she was one color with many shades. None of the two realized; opposites attract, but for a while. It’s the like-minded ones who stay forever. They were different, entirely different from each other. He was calm. He wouldn’t say much, while she was the opposite. Love was pure and not immature, but she made it look like that with too much of it, that it suffocated him. And too much of something has the power to ruin your life, even if it’s everything you wanted. Then one fine day, in the struggle of making him forget the cherish-able past she, like an unwanted present, died with those beautiful memories of him buried inside her chest. And now while holding the cup of coffee, they both shared on cozy winter nights, he thinks of that crazy lover which is now a past but wasn’t less than a present herself. A bonding he thought would last forever, ended in a way he imagined never!

01:40 AM

Funny thing: feelings. Funny thing: how strong! We’re slaves to our feelings. I wonder if everyone is caged in. You in your cage, I in mine. Each in his own little cube. EVERYBODY!

You have the choice to distance yourself from all that and yet you choose to indulge because, what if? But in how many ways did staying strong help you? Not many. Be soft then; at least you won’t break. You’re not always close to someone’s heart because they want you. Sometimes they don’t. There is such a huge difference between a want and a need. Those who’re always there when you need someone are unwanted but, there. To hold your hand. To give you a shoulder to cry on. To wipe your tears so that the world does not see how broken you’re. But when you know there’s an unsaid competition between two, a want and a need, stay away. Want will always be preferred over a need. So don’t get into a competition you know you’ll never win. Just kill the caterpillars in your stomach before they turn into butterflies. Sometimes it’s not enough to turn the page. Sometimes you have to tear it, shred it and throw it away. Do it. Lose the weight on your heart. Not everything has to make sense, not every question has to be answered, not every question has an answer. When life is being harsh, you must not be. No matter how unwanted life makes you feel; fight for the fairy tale, it does exist.

Blessing.

Most of us grow up hearing about all these things you feel when you’re in love.  I never really understood any of them. They talk about how seeing their love, talking to them makes them feel so content. How holding them makes them the most luckiest person on the face of the earth. How every love song starts making sense the moment they find their true love. Every day, I lay my eyes on a new phenomenon. That explains the power of love. On how romance keeps life going and how the world seems so lifeless and dull without, love. I didn’t know, really. Then I met you.

I was too young to feel that way. And loving doesn’t come easily to me. Pretty faces? oh they’re not enough for me. I prefer brains, with a touch of beauty. And when I met you, I was like….. Holy shiz! This is it.  People prefer to love those who’re willing to love them but you never really liked me back then, did you? But it never changed my feelings for you. The whole world can crumble but as long as you’re by my side, I will never feel despair. You filled colors into my black and white life. My loneliness choked to death, all because of you.

I love you and now I know how it feels.  All those things you hear in songs and movies are now starting to become clear to me.  When I’m not home, all I think about is coming home to you and how great it will be.  You never disappoint.  The memories before you, when I was a little girl and I’d cry at the back of my car with my eyes searching for a friend to talk to me, feel like some kind of a dream that never really happened.  You’re real though. You might have millions of people who are in love with you but remember, no one will love you like I do. It sounds crazy cause it’s been 14 years since we first got together but I’ve never felt this way before. My love for you will never die. I loved you more, with every passing year. You’d always have a place in my room, in my heart, no matter where I go (I’m talking about my wedding, you see, I’ll have to get married one day. And hey, relax. I do and i will always love you, promise). Pride & Prejudice, The God of Small Things , The Forty Rules of Love, Lord of the Rings, Jane Eyre, Harry Potter Series, whatever you call yourself.  I’ll love you even if you never call me.

Little Something Special.

A few days back, I asked a very close friend of mine, the reason behind me turning to my blog only when I’m feeling blue. And guess what she replied. “because you’ve much better things to do when you’re happy”. Hahaha. Well, tonight I ditched my own bedroom, in search of good internet, just to express how sooper dooper happy I feel right now. This day is what I have been waiting for, since a long long time. Let me tell you why.

Monday. Naam he kafi hay. The morning was pretty boring though. Why? because the first person I texted, replied after a gazillion years. And tbh, when people do this, it hurts me, right in the jigar! Anyways…. in the afternoon, I caught two kids playing catch catch with my favorite Versace perfume and boy was I scared! I nudged my cousin and asked her to take it from them, politely. And she did. When we were about to leave the room, she threw it towards the bed and it fell on the floor and broke instead. *heavy breathing* Yes, I almost died. THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW HOW PISSED I AM, but, no. Me no like sharing emo stuff. So, um, let’s not talk about the perfume.

Moving on, to the evening, I broke my phone’s screen and now I don’t want to spoil my post by mentioning the details. So I’ll directly jump on to, the little something special, that happened. I was annoying the hell out of (READ: Fighting with) my best friend and that is when it happened. That person understood why I was doing that. UNDERSTOOD! Comforted me. Tried to cheer me up, but, I tried my best not to. I’m evil, yes. 3:) This never happened before. No one, hell no one ever did it SO beautifully, before. They all tried a lot. but. Like my mother says, I’m 95% cool and 5% short-tempered. She is right. And in my opinion that 5% is a lot. I always craved for someone to read my mind and understand me, just the way I try when they’re upset. But I’m so mysterious, lol. No one ever did, this way, until today. Not that I stopped fighting even after that precious little gesture of my friend, but undoubtedly the BEST FEELING EVER!

The purpose of this post is; We all whine sometimes and complain no one cares. But the truth is; We are loved & blessed in ways we’ll never know! There are people who can turn your perfectly horrible day upside down and trust me, they always do. Cherish them. Life is beautiful! But not more than my best friend. I’m never ever going to post something like this again, but this…. I just couldn’t resist! Little things matter, a lot, when the little miracle does them. Adios.

Mystery!

Living in the era of smart phones and a world in which ‘tweeting’ about your problem is definitely more important than solving it; How comfortable do you think you’re? Look into your heart. Think about it. How much did tweeting random folks and pouring your heart out on social media cure the blues. Not even a bit! YES.

We blame our friends when they’re not there for us, we blame ourselves for not being good enough for people, we cry when even music fails to make us feel better. We feel hopeless.We tweet, we whine, we post on Facebook and Twitter, collecting sympathies from people, we know nothing about, except their names. It only hurts!! In both cases. If they show sympathy, we feel sad thinking where ‘our people’ are. If they don’t we conclude ‘nobody cares’. So where’s the fun part? What’s the point of wasting your life on things which are not making your life better. You make friends there, get close, that’s a different story. But posting all day and telling people how miserable or happy your life is, via Snapchat stories or Facebook posts, isn’t cool. In a world where exposing your body and emotions is considered cool, you know what actually is cool? Staying a mystery. A real woman is the one who has everything to flaunt, yet covers herself and stays pure for that one partner for life. Women are fragile, the only way she can survive in this cruel world is by staying like a mystery. THAT IS COOL! Don’t open up to everyone who pretends to be your friend. They fake sincerity. Most of them, not all. There are real ones, never let them go. Hold on to them, tightly. But keep your sadness, inside. Be a mystery, delete history. Forgive people and stay happy. When you’re sad, just write and then tear the pages and throw them away. Don’t let them see, how delicate your heart is. Keep your close friends closer, tell them when it’s too much to handle. Treat them like you own them and always try to be there for them, too. They’re the ones you should never give up on. Not social media. Please. Because once you start whining in front of random people, you stop whining in front of your Lord and that will only make things worse. Pray, my dear. When everything goes right. And never stop praying, when He’s done fixing everything that was wrong.

And you know why I mentioned women above? Because they’re so delicate. Easily broken. No matter how strong they pretend to be. While men on the other hand are different. And life’s comparatively easier when you’re Y-chromosomed. Happy men don’t care much. While sad men know how to handle their broken heart, with care. They survive through it. Remember how they say ‘be a man’; It’s so easy to handle life, as a man. But women. don’t worry, self control is the key. Over sharing will only suck the happiness out of you honey. Everyone may not like reserved people but a private person never regrets, by over-sharing with people, at least. Stay mysterious, make them curious.

Sweet Escape.

Just be a good person. Or try. Please. For your own sake. And be very mindful of other people’s feelings. Even if they make no sense to you. Because, the pain we inflict on others always seems excusable, till it comes around and someone inflicts it on us, then it becomes unforgivable.  And remember, sometimes things happen and there is no reason, no explanation, no closure, nothing. Just let it go. Worry less, stay calm, act mature. People who matter, they always come back. And if you’re stressed about something and don’t know how to make the right decision, remember; The right decision doesn’t always feel right at first. Make it anyway. Decide and then make it right, later. Just don’t ever forget how blessed you’re.

Real Love Is a Choice

Living in the era of smart phones and dumb people, how hard is it to fall in love? Not very hard, is it? I think, it is. It’s not just hard, its the most difficult decision of one’s life. Now half of you must be thinking “who the hell DECIDES to fall in love?” We do. We all do. Ever wondered why we get who we need and not who we want? They’re mostly 2 different people. Only the lucky ones want, need and get the same person. 10 out of 100%, I’d say. Only a few, why? Not because God doesn’t love us or ‘bad things only happen to me’ but because we get attracted to every Nadia, Haleema, Hamid and Uzair easily. And not just in our real life but on social media too, where we spend 25/24 hours daily. And then the crush decides to crush you. That causes heart break and when that happens, the hearts ache and you fail to appreciate the love you receive. That is how the charm is lost. That is how we end up with what we did not even want to have in the first place. And that is how the true meaning of love disappears. Oh and if the topic made you feel it’s going to be an interesting blog post; then JUST STOP READING NOW! 😀

Love is so much more than some random, euphoric feeling. And real love isn’t always fluffy, cute, and cuddly.. More often than not, real love has its sleeves rolled up, dirt and grime smeared on its arms, and sweat dripping down its forehead. Real love asks you to do hard things; to forgive one another, to support each others dreams, to comfort in times of grief, or to care for family. But real love isn’t easy. Falling in love with someone has a lot of learning in it. Besides, life already offers us plenty of spontaneity: rejection, job loss, heartache, disappointment, despair, illness, and a host of other problems. Real love is about weathering the storms of life together.

I’m pretty sure most of you’ve had lots of crushes, relationships that did not work and then ended up with someone who loves you more than you love them and now you have no other choice but to reciprocate. But let me tell you something, being loved is even more beautiful than having someone you love more than anything. If you truly like someone (and they truly love you), commit to that love and plan on it being hard work. That’s the key. Real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. And one of the imperfections is; that person not being the one you wanted but needed. Funny as it may seem, you’ll soon realize that planning to love someone or choosing to love someone is actually one of the most beautiful things about it.

Then you will realize that real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling; it’s a deliberate choice. A plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. Of course, you don’t choose who you’re attracted to, but you definitely choose who you fall in love with and more importantly who you stay in love with.

Our society places a lot of emphasis on feelings. We are taught that we should always follow our feelings and do whatever makes us happy. But feelings are very fickle and fleeting. Real love, on the other hand, is like the north star in the storms of life; it is constant, sure, and true. Whenever we’re lost and confused we can find strength in the love that we have chosen.

As the movies portray, love may seem the easiest thing to do and I myself strongly believe that there’s someone for everyone. For if there wasn’t, who’d like to live in this filthy world full of hate and jealousy. But to choose who that someone is, is in your own hands. This really does not mean, the guy you’ve experienced ‘love at first sight’ with, is the one. No, just no. Those who love never find or stumble upon each other accidentally. But you can not deny the fact that they came to know each other, long before they were even born. Long before the world sees. They’re made for each others love and affection. You can get attracted to anyone but you always have to choose wisely who to fall in love with. And it’s not always the person you want, but with time they become the most important part of your life. Most importantly, those who love carry each other in their prayers; that’s how it grows and never dies!